Suck.
Because I am doing them at 10 o'clock at night when I really need to finish my math homework.
Anyway. I will work on them, do not worry your pretty little head about it.
ONE (narrative):
It’s 11 am; time for Goodie Two Shoes owner Christine Ann to unlock the doors of her South Congress shop and prepare for the onslaught of customers that will make their way in over the next couple of hours.
TWO (descriptive):
A chain of flowers hangs down the left side of a cluster of shelves; a suspended rainbow of exploding petals. Surrounding them are rows of eccentric sunglasses looking onto racks of clothing and streams of shoes. Every once in a while an eager shopper disturbs these organized groups, knocking things over in their excitement.
TREH (startling statement?):
Every year Christine Ann will spend thousands of dollars on clothing that she will never wear, invest in shoes she will never own, and find jewelry that she will never put on.
Please do not judge me too harshly. I really will work on them.
:Deborah
For the amount of time that you spent on this, your leads are pretty refined and go well with your story, whatever it is. No changes needed.
ReplyDeleteFor the treh u could put more overall its great
ReplyDeleteSenor.Y=)
I like all of them! :D (I think I like the second one the best, though...)
ReplyDeleteFor the first: I would say something more about the owner.
ReplyDeleteFor the second: it doesn't say anything about the owner (unless it is about the store and not the owner)
For the third: say why, like "but these items are not for her, but for her _______(awesome)________ store."
I love the third! It's more interesting, surprising and not what I would expect.
ReplyDelete-Clyde