They're Just So Much Better

What am I talking about?

Guess.

Go on.

No?

Well that's no fun. You should really see someone about your gloomy mentality.

I kid I kid.

Anyway. What I actually would like to discuss (and by discuss I mean tell you about) has nothing to do with your mental state, though I am sure that would be very interesting. It doesn't really have anything to do with your head at all. It has to do with your nails. Or, more specifically, not your nails, but fake nails put onto real nails. Yes, fake nails, my new love.

 

So why do I like fake nails so much? Why don't I just paint my nails like an average teen? Well, to that I say, I do just paint my nails like a normal teen, but that is because, also like your common youth, I have no money. And when I do I spend it on other things. Like fro-yo (haha) and new shoes. 

BUT...I WISH I could have fake nails, and I IMAGINE myself with fake nails. So there you go.

To answer your first question I will make a nice TOP TEN list for your convenience.  They are actually in no particular order.

• Firstly, I must tell you a very sad story. It's really very sad, you should grab some tissues. Not really. Anyway, when I was little I used to bite my nails. I KNOW HORRIBLE RIGHT. But because of this I have fallen victim to really really incredibly weak nails. Which really sucks. Since now I have to wear them pretty short. BUT FAKE NAILS FORGIVE PAST MISTAKES by being NEW and FRESH and STRONG!
• Secondly, THEYARESOBEAUTIFULOHMYGOSH! You can't put like, ANYTHING on them. YOU CAN EVEN BEDAZZLE THEM. No, I am not kidding, look it up. And you can fit more then you would be able to on a normal nail, as they are ginormous. 
• Thirdly, if one breaks you can get new nails asap. If one of my nails breaks I have to CUT ALL OF THEM OFF TO MATCH :( 
• Fourthly, if you get tired of the design, you can just take them off without having to deal with horrible nail polish remover. Which smells bad and gets everywhere.
• Fifthly, stylists (or machines, whatevs, idk) have time to work on them before you put them on so you don't have to worry about getting anything on your skin. Like red paint, which makes me look like I have been mauled.
• Sixthly, when you type they make a wonderful clicky sound.
• Seventhly, they make you look super classy. I mean, come on.
• Eighthly, YOU CAN SLIDE YOUR FINGER ACROSS A TOUCH SCREEN ON AN ITOUCH OR OTHER SUCH DEVICE. I am not actually sure why I like this so much, and it is pretty similar to point numero 6, but THIS IS NOT TYPING, THIS IS SLIDING so it is different. And they are awesome in very different ways.
• Ninthly, you can stab people with them to make a point, way more than you could with a tiny little weak normal nail.
• Tenthly, they are just so much better (see my clever use of integrating my title into the post? Really nice Deborah, good job) in every single way

And yes, I am aware of the glue making your actual nails horrible, and blah blah blah, but THOSE POINTS ARE POINTS OF THE HATERS, and here at TrueColor, we do not listen to the haters.

Now I must go, as I am getting dangerously close to using ALL CAPS ALWAYS IN EVERYTHING THAT I SAY. Which could be taken as yelling, and as you know, I never yell at my beautiful readers (of which there are non). Also I am writing this in newspaper, and I don't really want to get caught avoiding actual work. (JUST KIDDING MS. YOUNG I TOTES FINISHED ALL MY NEWSPAPER WORK FIRST SO DO NOT FRET. OR GIVE ME AN F).

Until next time,

:Deborah